“I’m concerned about Steve,” says Aaron at the weekly prayer meeting. “We should pray for him.” He spends the next half-hour explaining Steve’s bad behavior. Occasionally, a stray sarcastic comment bleeds through.
Aaron explains that there were deeply hurtful interactions [with Steve]. At first, he was angry. But he’s forgiven Steve, and now he’s mostly concerned. Everyone buys his answer. After all, many of them have been hurt by Steve, and they can relate.
Aaron knows he’s supposed to forgive, and he believes that if he’s forgiven someone, he can’t be mad anymore. So he must choose between thinking of himself as not having forgiven or as not being mad. He chooses the latter. But the anger still operates. It drives him to constant criticism and vindictiveness toward Steve.
So Aaron has re-cast his anger as “concern.” Interestingly, his friends are slow to detect anger’s covert operation. They’re angry, too. Were they to recognize it in Aaron, though, their own game would be up. So they reinforce one another’s pretense that it is “concern” that motivates the discussion, and they congratulate themselves for having done Steve a service by bringing his sad case before the Lord.
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